Sunday, March 05, 2006

These few days had been rough on me.Trying to heal myself while putting a on a mask to face everything in school.A thousand and one qns run thru my mind.Qns of wad shld i do now,qns of wad would happen next,qns of how am i going to carry on.And as these qns run thru my mind, im constantly bombarded by tons of sch work,cca commitments,church commitments and people fighting for my attention.These few days im able to see who are those who really cared for me and it seems that there are only a few in school.Many still do not know the catastrophe that dat struck me hard and left me broken hearted.I had to call friends out to help me temporary keep my mind of these things but once they are gone, i think of the sweet past again.I didnt cry any more but how i wish wad had happened is just a dream.I told many of my frends who care wad happened.I feel like crying whenever i tell them.The truth is , i dunno wad to feel now or rather how to feel.I have even lost my interest in my hobbies.I've gone from a lively teenager to a numb lifeless puppet.

But anyway, im glad that we are still frends.Wad she predicted had alrdy happened.I didnt see it coming until it was too late.I was talking to some of my friends and it was as though the exact same story of mine is repeated again and again in different lives.Maybe this is just how the world works.We are all slaves to this fucked up world.We cannot change it.We can only join it.

What can i do now?But to forgive and forget and to stay as frends.Our frendship now dangles on a thin line.Im struggling to even stay as frends.My only way to reach out to her is only the handphone.But many times when i try to reach out and knock on the door, there is nobody home.I know she's busy and such but........

Nonetheless, i need to move on.The spring time of youth awaits no one.But who can teach me how?

Im so glad that there are frends who care about me other than my brothers.This incident opened my eyes.Now i see more clearly those who are ard me.And with this incident, i had made alot more frends.

To those whom cared about me, thanks for all ur encouragements and advices.I will picky myself up and move on, even if im alrdy lamed....